Classification

Imaginary e-mail correspondent Suzie writes:
“Are you a nerd?”
-Suzie

Suzie:

Classification is an ugly business. It often tears out the truly inspirational and creative aspects of our lives and wills us to form a collective. However, classification is relatively easy now a days as society stretches to achieve black and white status and ultimately eliminate the gray area that they fear. Unfortunately for them, I feel the need to ponder their good and evil hold on reality with this…

I, an age 15-30 Male demographic, love electronic interactive simulations. I regularly read about technological advances and aspire to aid in the creation of them in the future. I am a near transparent pale, dress in plaid with work-boots and have obsessions with the works of George Lucas, books and animated entertainment. I eat junk foods and look to the internet for comfort, clarity and calamity.

Classification: Nerd, Spaz, Dork

However…

Being indoors for long amounts of time causes my muscles to become listless and painful, my head to become light and my attention to drift. Despite the amount of joy I receive from playing my games, I always feel that I could be doing something better and force myself -ineffectively- to multi-task.

I am excellent at all sports except for ice hockey and basketball (I guess that makes me good at Polo and Mud wrestling then). Sunlight inexplicably strengthens me. My farm land upbringing has shown me the Zen qualities of a hard day of physical labor. I am not afraid of girls. I know how to fight as well as argue. I drink beer. I am not afraid of crowds and enjoy partying.

Classification: Average Joe, Jock

Originality stems from combination and is not original in the least.

Cool + Nerd = Dork
Goth + Nerd = Emo
Goth + Cool = Raver
Band Nerd + Jock = Marching Band
Spaz + Cool = Cheerleader
Cheerleader + Jock = Parents
Cool + Band Nerd = Shirtless guitar wielding douche playing “Time of Your Life” in the middle of the quad surrounded by bikini clad chicks.

An example of my combination…

Setting: Second floor apartment towards the end of a 24 hour Timesplitters: Future Perfect and Halo 2 marithon…

Travis: It’s a really nice day.
Bob and Jim (lazily): Yeah.
Travis: We should go outside.
Bob and Jim (lazily): Yeah.

Five minutes later…

Setting: Second floor balcony towards the end of a 24 hour Timesplitters:Future Perfect and Halo 2 marithon…

Announcer: “GAME.”
Jim: Bob… you sniping bastard.
Travis: This is much better.
Bob and Jim (lazily): Yeah.
Freshman: Hey are you guys playing Halo? Can I come up and play?
Bob, Jim and Travis: Fawk off!
Bob: Sheetz run!

So to answer your question Suzie, I, in the past, have classified myself as: nerd, goth, metal, hardcore and dork. Now a days I would consider myself “Grunge” as it pertains to my music preferences, dress style, attitude and demeanor. However, classification is the last refuge of a confused adolescent trying to force their way into a clique in order to prolong painful realization in exchange for short term acceptance and meaning.

UPDATE:

(Updated, to the best of my ability, into proper English)

“If its for adolescent’s why are you taking the time to write this out if you are old you jerk?”
-Suzie

Because I look to pass down hard earned knowledge to those younger than I in an attempt to curtail their long journey of belonging and exploration of existence.

You doo doo head.