rHETORICAL

I've lost it. I installed a program on my PC that mimics the Apple Dock. I love it, it has cleared up so much space and tricks me into believing I have some sort of Mac that plays PC games. Anywho...

I flipped around my old documents and found a ripe chestnut for your pleasure...

Those of you who ventured into deep composition related fields or classes will have to discuss rhetoric. Now the dictionary has it's own definition of rhetoric, however Prof. Mahoney of Kutztown University has his own idea of what it means... and thats what he thinks I think it means. We followed the text of John Ramage, but ultimately the class ended with us taking a rhetorical trip to a rhetorical place where rhetorical things happen to rhetorical you in rhetorical ways in order to get you to understand rhetoric, rhetorically speaking.

Sounds like fun right?! Well I made it fun...ENJOY!
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I was traveling down the road and unbeknownst to me, a certain historical figure of importance decided to travel with me. “Ben Franklin! How did you get into my car?”
“Oh it’s quite simple my boy,” he said “I am here to show you the possibilities of non-abstract thought through the powers of rhetoric.”
“What?”
“You see, you may not know it but you’re on your way to a land of perils and undeniable hardships based on the intricacies of the English language.”
“Well in that case I think I have a hold on it, I am a collegiate writer you know.”
“Yes the powers of logic are strong in you and you may just make it out of this place with your wits intact”
“Well why are you here?”
“I am a familiar figure, a guide; I will keep you tethered to this plane of understanding.” “No I meant how you got in my car, you should be long dead.”
“Oh I’m not here, or am I, OOOHHH!” he said waving his hands in front of his face.
“Yes, you are.”
“That a boy. Keep your head."

Long down the desert road we came across a sign with words that constantly changed. I caught Ramberg, Rambluff, Ramville, and Ramage Lake maybe Ramapo. I didn’t bother asking why the town name kept changing because Franklin was too busy watching the lines fly by on the road like a puppy. I only thought it was strange that I never remembered there being a desert in New Jersey.

The horizon seemed endless. I thought that there was no actual town until I glanced out my driver side window. The buildings I saw were enormous and at first appeared dilapidated however, they seemed to get newer the longer down the road I went. I couldn’t see any buildings through my windshield, but Mr. Franklin reassured me into continue on down the road. “Pay no attention to these buildings, they don’t exist” he said.
“What?”
“They are the remains of the town that never exists.”
“You mean existed?”
“No.”
“ARRGH” I grumbled.

He then turned and looked to my rear-view mirror. I followed his eyes. Behind us was a wall of fire in front of a black void. I, still confused, decided that I had no time for useless questions that wouldn't be straightly answered by a long dead founding father.

We continued on endlessly until a wall came toward us. Faster and faster it came though I had never changed speed. I hit the brakes hard and the car came to a complete stop, yet the wall continued to come faster and faster towards us.
“What’s with the wall?” I asked.
“What wall?” said Franklin and it was gone. Before I had a moment to think I found myself getting out of the car in a daze.
“No don’t get out!” Ben shouted.

It was too late. Buildings shot out of the ground like underground missiles. I gazed up as the seemed to go on forever. Then the doors flung open and people, at least that was what I thought they were, came running out of the buildings screaming. They had no arms, ears, or eyes and their mouths were ridiculously disproportionately large to their heads. “Who are these schlomos?” I said to Franklin. “They are the serious people, unwilling to be changed of their ways by the truth, rhetoric and sarcasm of society.”
“Well why are they screaming?”
“Because they can still hear though their ears have been torn off.”
“Oh, well maybe they know why I’m here.”
“Excuse me!” I said as I grabbed one by the shoulder. The madness of the screaming stopped instantly. All of the disproportionate people were standing still. I swung the one I grabbed around. His eyes sockets began to fill and his eyes reformed, its arms grew back and he responded. “Yes?”

A mighty bolt of light struck the figure I held. He screamed in agony and twitched at my feet. His body exploded apart into thousands of pieces. Around me the lightning had affected several other beings who then screamed, twitched and exploded all the same. The remaining “people” ran back inside their buildings and they sunk back into the earth as fast as they rose.”
“What happened?”
“They heard you. They can no longer be serious if they hear what someone else has said.” “That’s bullshit.”
“No, that’s logical.”
“I’m serious and I don’t go ripping my parts off so I can remain that way!”
"You don't understand."
“No, that’s right I don’t understand.”

As I said that a book appeared before my eyes and stayed fixated there. I moved to look around it and it remained in front of my face. I tried walking away from it but it kept pace with me. Ben lifted his hands in encouragement to read it.
“I’m outta here” I said.
“Nope, you have to read it, there is no escape.” Franklin said.
“All this is doing is toying with me childishly. I want to know what’s going on but the questions are pointless and the answers are taunts.”
“That’s because not everything is what it seems. Look here…”
I grabbed the book and put it in my pocket and then turned to see three men standing in the center of an intersection. All of them were dressed as I was and staring into the sky. “Watch” said Franklin.

He approached and asked, “What’s the time?” One man looked at his watch. Another walked away into nothingness. The last looked at us puzzled until a snake crept from a hole in the asphalt on the ground before him. It leapt from the ground and slithered down the man’s throat without resistance. He fell to his knees. His eyes oozed from his face. He tore off his own ears and his mouth began to split along its edges. It grew to enormous size and he began gnawing at his shoulders in an attempt to remove his arms. “This is the foremost of your seriousness, what you would be like if you had retained all of the knowledge you already knew without having met anyone on earth.”

“K” I said.

“The first was your sensible side; he knows what time is and the proper etiquette to follow when he is asked for the time. He is the coalition between the rhetorical you and the serious you. He is similar to all beings.”
He continued, “The one that left was your rhetorical side, he went in search of thyme because he looks too deeply into the meaning of texts or it’s what he thought of first when I said time.”
“Alright…what was with the snake?”
“That was rhetoric itself. It forces its way into your mind and eats away at it.”
“You can accept it and live normally as both a serious and rhetorical person, accept it as all truth and fail to communicate or reject it and be forced to live in a nightmare world where you can not learn anything because you experience nothing.”

“I think I understand now” I said. “You need to understand how rhetoric works in order to determine how people understand you?”
“Correct” Franklin said. “So if you are a rhetorical person whom is also serious…”
“I can determine proper ways of communication to accomplish my tasks and all I need to do is understand this book” I said holding up the text that had appeared before me.
“Yes!”
“Great! Can I leave now?”
“Not yet, you need to wake up!”
“Oh ho ho, I’m dreaming!”
“No, those chips of metal in your Goldschlager were actually lead and not gold, you’re in a coma.”
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He didn't like it, however most all the other students' pieces where just as wacky, so maybe I missed some of the underlying points.