Yet again I feel the need to explore various other avenues that would increase my chances of finding social outlets other than work or the occasional meeting with friends to play Resident Evil 5 or Arkham Horror. I enjoyed Star Wars Galaxies immensely, even after their lousy patches and failed promises. I lived for the space combat. Spotting the abundance of well placed ads in Eve Online's internet flood attacks, I signed up and downloaded their fourteen day trial.
I didn't need fourteen days, I needed three hours. I would have hung up sooner if the tutorial wasn't as long as it was. The game is loaded with more crap than a honeypot at Crystal Lake Campground. If you haven't seen it yet, I highly recommend viewing Yahtzee's views of it. It isn't so much that it is a bad game, it just boring and I have no idea what to do to have fun in it. Once again I have found a game that relies on the nerd's best friend, math. If "x" is greater than "y", "x" will destroy "y" in 10 turns. I though I would be plugging in the joystick and going to town on larger ships, showing that the underdog has the skills to come out on top. Once again I have been denied the dust encrusted interface device that has helped me destroy more Star Destroyers than Rogue Squadron. I am left right clicking on a target and spinning around them like some drunken figure eight skating comet until I've shot enough autocannon to make them bleed fire. It's actually very lucky I won those two times, I never could tell how much (if any) damage I was taking.
I sit uncomfortably knowing that I spent all that time writing down and memorizing useless controls and facts about the game world. It is now a fully formed benign tumor of useless information that is inevitably going to keep me learning any newer and useful information.
Pros... I guess I could say the ships and objects were beautifully crafted and the music was great.
Monday, May 11, 2009
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
Conficker Worm
Make sure you have a good free trial norton antivirus because tomorrow, April 1st, the Conficker worm is going to go through processes that make it less vulnerable. It will block attempts to remove it by making it impossible to install or download antivirus software or liveupdate.
It is set to invade a couple million PCs so make sure you are protected.
It is set to invade a couple million PCs so make sure you are protected.
rHETORICAL
I've lost it. I installed a program on my PC that mimics the Apple Dock. I love it, it has cleared up so much space and tricks me into believing I have some sort of Mac that plays PC games. Anywho...
I flipped around my old documents and found a ripe chestnut for your pleasure...
Those of you who ventured into deep composition related fields or classes will have to discuss rhetoric. Now the dictionary has it's own definition of rhetoric, however Prof. Mahoney of Kutztown University has his own idea of what it means... and thats what he thinks I think it means. We followed the text of John Ramage, but ultimately the class ended with us taking a rhetorical trip to a rhetorical place where rhetorical things happen to rhetorical you in rhetorical ways in order to get you to understand rhetoric, rhetorically speaking.
Sounds like fun right?! Well I made it fun...ENJOY!
_____________________________________________________________
I was traveling down the road and unbeknownst to me, a certain historical figure of importance decided to travel with me. “Ben Franklin! How did you get into my car?”
“Oh it’s quite simple my boy,” he said “I am here to show you the possibilities of non-abstract thought through the powers of rhetoric.”
“What?”
“You see, you may not know it but you’re on your way to a land of perils and undeniable hardships based on the intricacies of the English language.”
“Well in that case I think I have a hold on it, I am a collegiate writer you know.”
“Yes the powers of logic are strong in you and you may just make it out of this place with your wits intact”
“Well why are you here?”
“I am a familiar figure, a guide; I will keep you tethered to this plane of understanding.” “No I meant how you got in my car, you should be long dead.”
“Oh I’m not here, or am I, OOOHHH!” he said waving his hands in front of his face.
“Yes, you are.”
“That a boy. Keep your head."
Long down the desert road we came across a sign with words that constantly changed. I caught Ramberg, Rambluff, Ramville, and Ramage Lake maybe Ramapo. I didn’t bother asking why the town name kept changing because Franklin was too busy watching the lines fly by on the road like a puppy. I only thought it was strange that I never remembered there being a desert in New Jersey.
The horizon seemed endless. I thought that there was no actual town until I glanced out my driver side window. The buildings I saw were enormous and at first appeared dilapidated however, they seemed to get newer the longer down the road I went. I couldn’t see any buildings through my windshield, but Mr. Franklin reassured me into continue on down the road. “Pay no attention to these buildings, they don’t exist” he said.
“What?”
“They are the remains of the town that never exists.”
“You mean existed?”
“No.”
“ARRGH” I grumbled.
He then turned and looked to my rear-view mirror. I followed his eyes. Behind us was a wall of fire in front of a black void. I, still confused, decided that I had no time for useless questions that wouldn't be straightly answered by a long dead founding father.
We continued on endlessly until a wall came toward us. Faster and faster it came though I had never changed speed. I hit the brakes hard and the car came to a complete stop, yet the wall continued to come faster and faster towards us.
“What’s with the wall?” I asked.
“What wall?” said Franklin and it was gone. Before I had a moment to think I found myself getting out of the car in a daze.
“No don’t get out!” Ben shouted.
It was too late. Buildings shot out of the ground like underground missiles. I gazed up as the seemed to go on forever. Then the doors flung open and people, at least that was what I thought they were, came running out of the buildings screaming. They had no arms, ears, or eyes and their mouths were ridiculously disproportionately large to their heads. “Who are these schlomos?” I said to Franklin. “They are the serious people, unwilling to be changed of their ways by the truth, rhetoric and sarcasm of society.”
“Well why are they screaming?”
“Because they can still hear though their ears have been torn off.”
“Oh, well maybe they know why I’m here.”
“Excuse me!” I said as I grabbed one by the shoulder. The madness of the screaming stopped instantly. All of the disproportionate people were standing still. I swung the one I grabbed around. His eyes sockets began to fill and his eyes reformed, its arms grew back and he responded. “Yes?”
A mighty bolt of light struck the figure I held. He screamed in agony and twitched at my feet. His body exploded apart into thousands of pieces. Around me the lightning had affected several other beings who then screamed, twitched and exploded all the same. The remaining “people” ran back inside their buildings and they sunk back into the earth as fast as they rose.”
“What happened?”
“They heard you. They can no longer be serious if they hear what someone else has said.” “That’s bullshit.”
“No, that’s logical.”
“I’m serious and I don’t go ripping my parts off so I can remain that way!”
"You don't understand."
“No, that’s right I don’t understand.”
As I said that a book appeared before my eyes and stayed fixated there. I moved to look around it and it remained in front of my face. I tried walking away from it but it kept pace with me. Ben lifted his hands in encouragement to read it.
“I’m outta here” I said.
“Nope, you have to read it, there is no escape.” Franklin said.
“All this is doing is toying with me childishly. I want to know what’s going on but the questions are pointless and the answers are taunts.”
“That’s because not everything is what it seems. Look here…”
I grabbed the book and put it in my pocket and then turned to see three men standing in the center of an intersection. All of them were dressed as I was and staring into the sky. “Watch” said Franklin.
He approached and asked, “What’s the time?” One man looked at his watch. Another walked away into nothingness. The last looked at us puzzled until a snake crept from a hole in the asphalt on the ground before him. It leapt from the ground and slithered down the man’s throat without resistance. He fell to his knees. His eyes oozed from his face. He tore off his own ears and his mouth began to split along its edges. It grew to enormous size and he began gnawing at his shoulders in an attempt to remove his arms. “This is the foremost of your seriousness, what you would be like if you had retained all of the knowledge you already knew without having met anyone on earth.”
“K” I said.
“The first was your sensible side; he knows what time is and the proper etiquette to follow when he is asked for the time. He is the coalition between the rhetorical you and the serious you. He is similar to all beings.”
He continued, “The one that left was your rhetorical side, he went in search of thyme because he looks too deeply into the meaning of texts or it’s what he thought of first when I said time.”
“Alright…what was with the snake?”
“That was rhetoric itself. It forces its way into your mind and eats away at it.”
“You can accept it and live normally as both a serious and rhetorical person, accept it as all truth and fail to communicate or reject it and be forced to live in a nightmare world where you can not learn anything because you experience nothing.”
“I think I understand now” I said. “You need to understand how rhetoric works in order to determine how people understand you?”
“Correct” Franklin said. “So if you are a rhetorical person whom is also serious…”
“I can determine proper ways of communication to accomplish my tasks and all I need to do is understand this book” I said holding up the text that had appeared before me.
“Yes!”
“Great! Can I leave now?”
“Not yet, you need to wake up!”
“Oh ho ho, I’m dreaming!”
“No, those chips of metal in your Goldschlager were actually lead and not gold, you’re in a coma.”
_______________________________
He didn't like it, however most all the other students' pieces where just as wacky, so maybe I missed some of the underlying points.
I flipped around my old documents and found a ripe chestnut for your pleasure...
Those of you who ventured into deep composition related fields or classes will have to discuss rhetoric. Now the dictionary has it's own definition of rhetoric, however Prof. Mahoney of Kutztown University has his own idea of what it means... and thats what he thinks I think it means. We followed the text of John Ramage, but ultimately the class ended with us taking a rhetorical trip to a rhetorical place where rhetorical things happen to rhetorical you in rhetorical ways in order to get you to understand rhetoric, rhetorically speaking.
Sounds like fun right?! Well I made it fun...ENJOY!
_____________________________________________________________
I was traveling down the road and unbeknownst to me, a certain historical figure of importance decided to travel with me. “Ben Franklin! How did you get into my car?”
“Oh it’s quite simple my boy,” he said “I am here to show you the possibilities of non-abstract thought through the powers of rhetoric.”
“What?”
“You see, you may not know it but you’re on your way to a land of perils and undeniable hardships based on the intricacies of the English language.”
“Well in that case I think I have a hold on it, I am a collegiate writer you know.”
“Yes the powers of logic are strong in you and you may just make it out of this place with your wits intact”
“Well why are you here?”
“I am a familiar figure, a guide; I will keep you tethered to this plane of understanding.” “No I meant how you got in my car, you should be long dead.”
“Oh I’m not here, or am I, OOOHHH!” he said waving his hands in front of his face.
“Yes, you are.”
“That a boy. Keep your head."
Long down the desert road we came across a sign with words that constantly changed. I caught Ramberg, Rambluff, Ramville, and Ramage Lake maybe Ramapo. I didn’t bother asking why the town name kept changing because Franklin was too busy watching the lines fly by on the road like a puppy. I only thought it was strange that I never remembered there being a desert in New Jersey.
The horizon seemed endless. I thought that there was no actual town until I glanced out my driver side window. The buildings I saw were enormous and at first appeared dilapidated however, they seemed to get newer the longer down the road I went. I couldn’t see any buildings through my windshield, but Mr. Franklin reassured me into continue on down the road. “Pay no attention to these buildings, they don’t exist” he said.
“What?”
“They are the remains of the town that never exists.”
“You mean existed?”
“No.”
“ARRGH” I grumbled.
He then turned and looked to my rear-view mirror. I followed his eyes. Behind us was a wall of fire in front of a black void. I, still confused, decided that I had no time for useless questions that wouldn't be straightly answered by a long dead founding father.
We continued on endlessly until a wall came toward us. Faster and faster it came though I had never changed speed. I hit the brakes hard and the car came to a complete stop, yet the wall continued to come faster and faster towards us.
“What’s with the wall?” I asked.
“What wall?” said Franklin and it was gone. Before I had a moment to think I found myself getting out of the car in a daze.
“No don’t get out!” Ben shouted.
It was too late. Buildings shot out of the ground like underground missiles. I gazed up as the seemed to go on forever. Then the doors flung open and people, at least that was what I thought they were, came running out of the buildings screaming. They had no arms, ears, or eyes and their mouths were ridiculously disproportionately large to their heads. “Who are these schlomos?” I said to Franklin. “They are the serious people, unwilling to be changed of their ways by the truth, rhetoric and sarcasm of society.”
“Well why are they screaming?”
“Because they can still hear though their ears have been torn off.”
“Oh, well maybe they know why I’m here.”
“Excuse me!” I said as I grabbed one by the shoulder. The madness of the screaming stopped instantly. All of the disproportionate people were standing still. I swung the one I grabbed around. His eyes sockets began to fill and his eyes reformed, its arms grew back and he responded. “Yes?”
A mighty bolt of light struck the figure I held. He screamed in agony and twitched at my feet. His body exploded apart into thousands of pieces. Around me the lightning had affected several other beings who then screamed, twitched and exploded all the same. The remaining “people” ran back inside their buildings and they sunk back into the earth as fast as they rose.”
“What happened?”
“They heard you. They can no longer be serious if they hear what someone else has said.” “That’s bullshit.”
“No, that’s logical.”
“I’m serious and I don’t go ripping my parts off so I can remain that way!”
"You don't understand."
“No, that’s right I don’t understand.”
As I said that a book appeared before my eyes and stayed fixated there. I moved to look around it and it remained in front of my face. I tried walking away from it but it kept pace with me. Ben lifted his hands in encouragement to read it.
“I’m outta here” I said.
“Nope, you have to read it, there is no escape.” Franklin said.
“All this is doing is toying with me childishly. I want to know what’s going on but the questions are pointless and the answers are taunts.”
“That’s because not everything is what it seems. Look here…”
I grabbed the book and put it in my pocket and then turned to see three men standing in the center of an intersection. All of them were dressed as I was and staring into the sky. “Watch” said Franklin.
He approached and asked, “What’s the time?” One man looked at his watch. Another walked away into nothingness. The last looked at us puzzled until a snake crept from a hole in the asphalt on the ground before him. It leapt from the ground and slithered down the man’s throat without resistance. He fell to his knees. His eyes oozed from his face. He tore off his own ears and his mouth began to split along its edges. It grew to enormous size and he began gnawing at his shoulders in an attempt to remove his arms. “This is the foremost of your seriousness, what you would be like if you had retained all of the knowledge you already knew without having met anyone on earth.”
“K” I said.
“The first was your sensible side; he knows what time is and the proper etiquette to follow when he is asked for the time. He is the coalition between the rhetorical you and the serious you. He is similar to all beings.”
He continued, “The one that left was your rhetorical side, he went in search of thyme because he looks too deeply into the meaning of texts or it’s what he thought of first when I said time.”
“Alright…what was with the snake?”
“That was rhetoric itself. It forces its way into your mind and eats away at it.”
“You can accept it and live normally as both a serious and rhetorical person, accept it as all truth and fail to communicate or reject it and be forced to live in a nightmare world where you can not learn anything because you experience nothing.”
“I think I understand now” I said. “You need to understand how rhetoric works in order to determine how people understand you?”
“Correct” Franklin said. “So if you are a rhetorical person whom is also serious…”
“I can determine proper ways of communication to accomplish my tasks and all I need to do is understand this book” I said holding up the text that had appeared before me.
“Yes!”
“Great! Can I leave now?”
“Not yet, you need to wake up!”
“Oh ho ho, I’m dreaming!”
“No, those chips of metal in your Goldschlager were actually lead and not gold, you’re in a coma.”
_______________________________
He didn't like it, however most all the other students' pieces where just as wacky, so maybe I missed some of the underlying points.
Thursday, March 5, 2009
Yes...Wait a Minute...No
My soul wants to laugh and cry all at the same time...
So horrible and so wrong it can only be described as sadistically funny.
So horrible and so wrong it can only be described as sadistically funny.
Thursday, January 29, 2009
Best Video Game Cut-scene Ever
one of the best games ever really...
If you haven't played Psychonauts yet, you really need to hop on board the awesome train.
If you haven't played Psychonauts yet, you really need to hop on board the awesome train.
Monday, January 12, 2009
R.I.P. Mr. Steckler
I'm sorry to have just found out Ray Dennis Steckler had passed away on the seventh after a long bought with heart failure. He was a fine purveyor of some great B-listers.
I feel like watching The Incredibly Strange Creatures Who Stopped Living and Became Mixed-Up Zombies and/or Rat Pfink a Boo Boo... so I think I will.
Catch you all later.
I feel like watching The Incredibly Strange Creatures Who Stopped Living and Became Mixed-Up Zombies and/or Rat Pfink a Boo Boo... so I think I will.
Catch you all later.
B-Movie Fans
To celebrate the new year... I dropped the one word titles. It was getting old. I'm also looking forward to using this blog as an actual blog and not just siphoning YouTube videos and blogs from BoingBoing.
In the good news department...
I found that you can stream awesomely horrible movies on Fancast. Seeing how they are so terrible that no one wants to own the rights to them, you can feel free to watch them over and over without paying a dime. God bless America.
On top of that, Winamp Media Player features internet TV stations. Usually I enjoy some Futurama re-runs but I have found a nonstop MST3k marathon station on there too. I particularly enjoyed last Saturday night when they featured a gut-wrenching bad movie entitled Blasterman or Blaster Something. I couldn't find it on imdb (will give high praise for a link).
It was a story about a cop named "Tiger" who went to jail for killing his wife's murderer. Upon his release he bought a magic SPIAS 12 gauge shotgun with a scope that could fire any ordinance from scatter-shot to grenades. He decides not to kill the corrupt district attorney that imprisoned him and instead opts to drive out into no-where Pennsylvania and live in an abandoned cabin.
The locals give him shit for no reason and kill his baby orphaned dear. Rednecks give shit to everyone he knows...try to rape his daughter...accidentally kill a man...kill all the witnesses to cover it up...tons of new rednecks show up and volunteer to help the other rednecks hunt down and kill the cop and his daughter for beer...daughter gets killed during a proposed cease fire..."Tiger" goes berserk and starts killing rednecks...uses magic shotgun which he vowed never to use... they show a lot of similar car explosions...everyone goes to jail when the hero loads all the bodies into a pick-up and drives them to the sheriff's office.
The funniest thing about it was its filming in PA, but use of Italian staff and credits despite all the actors being American (they also dubbed over the English speaking actors for some reason).
I also caught EEEGAH!! which stars a very young (but still huge) Richard Keil. Yes...JAWS from James Bond. Keil plays a giant (or cave-man) that lives in the desert. Not much to this movie at all really. There's 45 minutes in which the leading lady and her father try keep the towering cave man's thoughts preoccupied so he didn't rape her...it was amusing on a subconscious level.
In the good news department...
I found that you can stream awesomely horrible movies on Fancast. Seeing how they are so terrible that no one wants to own the rights to them, you can feel free to watch them over and over without paying a dime. God bless America.
On top of that, Winamp Media Player features internet TV stations. Usually I enjoy some Futurama re-runs but I have found a nonstop MST3k marathon station on there too. I particularly enjoyed last Saturday night when they featured a gut-wrenching bad movie entitled Blasterman or Blaster Something. I couldn't find it on imdb (will give high praise for a link).
It was a story about a cop named "Tiger" who went to jail for killing his wife's murderer. Upon his release he bought a magic SPIAS 12 gauge shotgun with a scope that could fire any ordinance from scatter-shot to grenades. He decides not to kill the corrupt district attorney that imprisoned him and instead opts to drive out into no-where Pennsylvania and live in an abandoned cabin.
The locals give him shit for no reason and kill his baby orphaned dear. Rednecks give shit to everyone he knows...try to rape his daughter...accidentally kill a man...kill all the witnesses to cover it up...tons of new rednecks show up and volunteer to help the other rednecks hunt down and kill the cop and his daughter for beer...daughter gets killed during a proposed cease fire..."Tiger" goes berserk and starts killing rednecks...uses magic shotgun which he vowed never to use... they show a lot of similar car explosions...everyone goes to jail when the hero loads all the bodies into a pick-up and drives them to the sheriff's office.
The funniest thing about it was its filming in PA, but use of Italian staff and credits despite all the actors being American (they also dubbed over the English speaking actors for some reason).
I also caught EEEGAH!! which stars a very young (but still huge) Richard Keil. Yes...JAWS from James Bond. Keil plays a giant (or cave-man) that lives in the desert. Not much to this movie at all really. There's 45 minutes in which the leading lady and her father try keep the towering cave man's thoughts preoccupied so he didn't rape her...it was amusing on a subconscious level.
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