Fruition

After a few posts over at wearebadluck.blogspot.com, I thought I would throw my hat into the ring (cliche).

Hi. o_0

The Rif has posted a link to an article that many should read as it pertains to all of us who get cable installed in our one bed room/studio apartments strictly for internet purposes.

This blog will become useful in the next few months as the advancement of the combined efforts of the Albino Eyelash Composition and Bad Luck Inc. come to, you guessed it, fruition. And that's The Word.

Now, the writer's strike seems to be in the cool down phase. I truly hope that they all get a fair contract that warrant's their three months of striking. I want all writers to get their fair share of internet royalties, but I also want new Daily Show episodes and at least one good movie next summer.

It is nice to see horror movies finally taking a back seat to something else that has no substance. As most of you who enjoy my company would know, I despise current horror movies. They are non suspenseful loads of rotten tripe. Here is a checklist if you are considering going to see a horror movie.

Yes, by all means go...
Zombies
Werewolves
Seemingly intelligent victims (you have to gauge from the preview, it's hard I know)
Macabre themes
Subtitles
Original Phenomenon (White Noise, cool concept, just a mediocre movie)
Original monsters
Black and white
Based on a graphic novel/ book
Apocalypse

Maybe, Maybe not...
Diseases
Sword/Gun play
Cover ups
Kids (sometimes their creepy[Poltergeist], sometimes I want to beat them to death[The Ring])
Twists
Curses
Ghosts/ hauntings
Sequels
Gore

By all means NO!
Vampires
Remakes (props to Rob Zombie though, but that was technically a prequel)
Torture (It's not suspenseful, its just gross, learn the difference)
Teenagers (especially sexy ones)
Obligatory Nudity/Fornication (Boobs and stabbing, this is how serial killers think you have sex)
Idiotic dialogue
Horror movies within movies (Scream)
Aliens
Natural Disasters
If the announcer says from the director/writer/producer/caterer of...
Death (It's death! It's going to win eventually! Final Destination my butt, your all just idiots.)
Inefficient weapons used by a single killer (hook, chainsaw, suicide machine hooked up to the hit counter on a website)
PG-13 (i.e. Not scary and there will be tiny kids running in between the aisles)
It's the number one movie/horror movie/weekend opener (You lie! YOU LIEEEEE!)

The only reason horror movies are number one is because they are the reality show equivalent for movies. They require little to no script (X writers), unknown morons willing to sweat, cry, get nude, breath heavily and say "Hello? Is that you Billy, this isn't funny!"(X actors). Blood= Corn starch, red dye and sometimes molasses and the horror usually involves one house, the woods or heaven forbid a town (X budget).

Real horror is written and it is far to suspenseful to stick in a two hour feel good segment about two teenagers who escape the blood soaked murderer of their vacation spot by "killing" the "bad guy" with a poorly devised plot and escaping mere moments before the camera pans back to the lifeless body when his eyes open and the audience questions if there will be a sequel.

THERE WILL BE because more than one came to see this one!

BOOOO! (Not in the scary sense, but more in the "I just payed a grand total of twelve dollars to have my butt fall asleep and listen to that ethnicity challenged teen talk on his Helio about that skank he banged last night while I get to hear little girls giggle about how awesome the movie was while a half hour list of damned soul's names scroll towards the top of the screen and some emo band plays a whinny tune about surviving. BOOO!)

I like leaving theaters hearing, "I don't get it." and "Man, that movie sucked!"
It's how I know my money was well spent.

If you would like to hear more rants, send any and all requests to albinoeyelash@gmail.com under a subject of something like..."Do Paris Hilton" or "Do contemporary philosophies of a Utopian society"

Both would end with me telling you we need to kill Paris Hilton.

I'll be waiting and thank you for reading.